First impressions: When do you call it quits?

When I'm first introduced to any person, I allow the person who made the introduction to weigh heavily on my opinion of the new person. After all, the person who introduced us felt it was worthwhile to make the effort.

Years ago, I was at a networking meeting where I was an active member of the group hosting the meeting. I did not have enough time to meet all the guests - but as I was leaving, an individual in the group mentioned one of the guests, "Ryan" and I, should make it a point to speak further.

Not long after the meeting Ryan called to follow-up on the suggestion. We had a short conversation, during which, I began to suggest some times and dates, as I believed that to be the entire point of the call. I was immediately shot down with a, "I'm in the car" (as if I should have been aware of the situation) - "you'll have to call my assistant and work out the details with her." Not thrilled with Ryan's tone, I remembered the person who made the introduction, and the fact that this was LA, and decided to overlook the phone call - and eventually scheduled a time to meet for coffee.

This coffee meeting began innocently: we discussed a bit about our businesses and backgrounds. And, as some networking progresses, I understand that people shift to more social topics. So, I wasn't caught completely off-guard when I was asked about what kind of things I do in my spare time. I explained a bit about my penchant for hockey and for theater - and politely inquired as to Ryan's time spent away from work/what he did for fun. Without skipping a beat - and almost as if he were waiting for the opportunity, he replied, "Sex."

Fortunately, having worked in the Detroit prison system for several years, I've learned to control my reactions - especially when it seems someone is looking to provoke some specific kind. So, I nodded politely, as if his answer was something I'd heard a million times before. (The baited look on his face told me he had expected something completely different - but I declined to pursue it any further.)

And, it was probably at this point I should have ended the meeting - and all communication. However, I once again referred to the respect I had for the person who made the introduction, and unfortunately, stayed in touch. And, you'll find a number of other stories about Ryan as I continue with this blog...